just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
