I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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