I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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