We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
