weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
