Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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