Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
