Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's get the cat blown out
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
