just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
