don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
