I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
