Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
