I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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