you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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