Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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