dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
