I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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