my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
