I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
