This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
