Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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