I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
