We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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