is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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