Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
