jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
