walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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