you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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