all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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