Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just cut my nipple shaving
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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