Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
