My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
