under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
