so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
