I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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