Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
