Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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