I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
