The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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