So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
