dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
