so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
