Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
