I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
