what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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