I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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