it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
