At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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