Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize