My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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