I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize