wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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