I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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