so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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