I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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