she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
