Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
