I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
