I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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