it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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