Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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