Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
