i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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