So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
