I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
