She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
