the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
