I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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