I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
