And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
