You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this just has baby written all over it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
