i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
