why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
