The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
