He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
