My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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