if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
