So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
