i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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